Chapter 10 – Happy New Year

11-12-17_6-54-12 PM

Ben knew he needed to give Emma time to cool off.  This would be the second time in less than a month that he was going to her apartment to check on her. He waited until after lunch and this time, instead of coffee, he brought her favorite wine. He knew it was going to take more than coffee to win her forgiveness.

11-12-17_6-57-45 PM

He knocked and she answered through the door. “What?”

“Can we talk? I brought wine.”

11-12-17_7-00-27 PM

She opened the door a crack. “What kind?” she asked skeptically.

Ben showed her the bottle.

11-12-17_7-12-14 PM

“Rachael tell you?”

“The wine? Uh no, this is what you always order.”

11-12-17_7-12-38 PM

When she opened the door all the way to motion him inside, she looked so sad. Ben felt terrible.

11-12-17_7-29-55 PM

He walked into the kitchen and grabbed some glasses, opened the bottle and poured them both a drink. “Here, we probably need this before I say anything.”

She took the glass with a sad look on her face. “Maybe, but Ben, I need to say…”

11-12-17_7-26-42 PM

“No,” he said cutting her off as he walked around and sat down next to her, “Let me go first. First of all, I know I am a, uh-um, a ‘dick-hay-ud’.”

“Are you makin’ fun o’ me?” she said squinting her eyes at him.

11-12-17_7-41-51 PM

“Never. Well, maybe a little, but it’s just so cute the way you say your pet name for me. But seriously Emma, I’m sorry for living up to it. I feel like I just keep upsetting you and I don’t mean to. I really like you.”

11-12-17_7-45-20 PM

Emma took a drink before responding.

11-12-17_7-46-26 PM

Emma twirled her glass around studying it. “Ben, you just can’t seem to help yourself,” she said quietly, “Why are you so dead set on keepin’ everyone at arm’s length? Not lettin’ anybody get too close?”

11-12-17_7-50-05 PM

This time Ben took a long drink of his wine. He wanted to tell her, but he didn’t want her to think he was a monster. He tried to think of how to explain it.

11-12-17_7-53-37 PM

His words just started tumbling out making no sense. “Emma, because I am not…I mean, if anyone got too…I might…Oh shit Emma, I am fucked up, okay. That’s all you need to know. I am sorry you want more. But I just am not capable of giving it to anybody, not just you.”

11-12-17_7-48-18 PM

Emma looked up at Ben. “Ben, I really am sorry too. Someone musta hurt you real bad. I really do like you too, in spite of your dick-hay-ud self. A whole lot really. And I sorta hoped that we might…” She stopped and sighed deeply before continuing, “but, well, I can’t try to fix you and lose myself in the process. And I’m pretty sure that’s what woulda happened.”


11-12-17_8-13-45 PM

“It’s okay Ben,” she said with a sad smile, “I am glad ‘purple hair girl’ was still there. Otherwise I might still be hopin’ for somethin’ that won’t happen.  We can still be ‘benefitless’ friends. And you can stay a dick-hay-ud as long as you need to,” she said with a little laugh, “But what I really wanted to tell you is that Casey asked me out to the New Year’s Eve Party. And Ben, I’m goin’ with him.”

11-12-17_7-40-05 PM

Ben didn’t know what to say as he tried to process what she had just said. He was totally unprepared for her speech and felt like he had been kicked in the stomach. He suddenly realized this was how Emma must have felt every time she saw him with another girl even though to him they were just temporary distractions. He had never imagined her with anyone else and assumed one day they would have their time together. He hadn’t understood just how much he wanted that time until he realized would never have it.

Emma was right. If they had dated, he would have eventually hurt her. As soon as he started feeling trapped, and he always did, he would have moved on and ruined their friendship in the process. Any other scenario was out of the question for him. He had no right to feel jealous. At least Casey was someone he liked. Not some scumbag, like himself. Emma deserved much more than he could ever give her.

11-12-17_7-56-37 PM

Resigned, Ben finally spoke. “Casey Khaury huh?”

Emma nodded.

Ben smiled an apologetic smile and held up his wine glass in a toast, “To Benefitless Friends. Happy New Year Emma.”

11-12-17_8-24-28 PM

They both downed the remaining contents of their glasses together.

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Go Back to Chapter 9

45 thoughts on “Chapter 10 – Happy New Year

    • So true…for them both. Emma isn’t wasting any more time hoping Ben will change. She knows about him, but seeing it was a lot different.

      Maybe it’s a wakeup call for Ben…or not. We shall see. He really does care about her but deems himself unworthy.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Pingback: Chapter 9 – Grand Central Station | New Beginnings

  2. ~ I think it is for the best,may be this will make him try & change his ways!
    ~ Friend is always better than nothing, but I have a feel he is gong regret this!


    • I hope it makes him at least try to change…but we are talking about Ben! And as far as he is concerned friends is better than nothing. He really does care about Emma.


  3. This is so sad but I think it had to be done. I wonder if this will be what Ben needs to change himself for the better, but I don’t know… he’s got a lot to change. I’m really glad Emma realized that she can’t change him.


    • It did have to be done. And he does have A LOT to change! 😂. Maybe baby steps. And good for Emma for realizing she can’t do make him change. Seeing him with Rayn and the way he dismissed her brought it all home for her.

      Liked by 1 person

    • The would be good together. He obviously adores her and she cares a great deal about him. If Ben could get over himself, maybe they might have a chance. Emma has her head on straight unlike Ben and seeing him with Rayn brought it all home. She knows he isn’t going to change and this isn’t the first time he told he wouldn’t.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Yes…Good call by Emma….maybe. And even better he realizes she is right. Maybe a little growth? I hope because he has a whole lot of growing to do! He doesn’t think as highly of himself and as he would like everyone to think. In fact his self-esteem is pretty low as you see here when he called himself a scumbag.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Pingback: Chapter 11 – Little Closet of Horrors | New Beginnings

  5. Loved her speech. She has her head in the right place (not sure if it is the right figure of speech). It takes a strong will to resist the temptation to have at least something if you can’t have it all. Smart girl.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Hmmm, can’t say I’m surprised… One of them should do this and I’m glad that it was Emma. It was a bittersweet chapter, but Emma is right, they both need to move on.
    And I shipped them so much! 😭 If Besn would be willing to give them a chance, I bet they’d be a great couple. But he’s a “dick-hay-ud” lol, so I don’t see this happening (at least any time soon)!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Aww, I still hope there might be a way to make it work out between them…They are like magnets drawn to one another, you can’t really tear them from one another, can you? And here comes the inevitable question…is there such a thing as a man-woman friendship? Well, unless one of them is gay.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. “The wine? Uh no, this is what you always order.”
    GAH! He knows her so well, and she thinks they’d be excellent together…and they probably would be if he were interested in trying. And that look on her face! Ugh. This is painful lol.

    “but, well, I can’t try to fix you and lose myself in the process. And I’m pretty sure that’s what woulda happened.”
    You got that right! Stay strong, sister!

    Wow. So is he giving up? Is he finally gonna stop baiting her? I hope so.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. As much as I would’ve wanted to see Ben and Emma get together, I liked the conversation they had and how it played out. They both obviously care and have feelings for one another, but they can’t really take that next step unless Ben changes himself and his view on relationships… neither of which he seems to be showing signs of so far. I really grew to like Emma, I hope she’s happy… but I’ll still keep some hopes for them maybe getting together one day… maybe :’)

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Aww! Sad…but relieved? I want Ems (yes, we’re good friends now, she calls me Wags) to be happy and have what she wants, but more than that, I want her to have a nice guy who will treat her well 😭

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Good call on Emma’s side 🙂 You shouldn’t get with a guy to try and fix him – that’s a recipe for misery. Glad that Ben at least didn’t get angry about it because frankly he has no right. He did good in that situation – for a big lump 😛 Now he can also stop coming onto her.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I understand that it is hard and seems almost impossible to speak about such a trauma-like experience. But if I’ve learnt anything in the past years after moving out, it is that 95% of humans are just out to survive and find friends and have fun themselves. And when you tell them what (you think) is wrong with you, they understand. Almost everyone has had some hard time in life, a toxic relationship or something else they can’t process even in years. It doesn’t mean that loses its importance or impact on your life but it helps the others understand and even help you better.
    Ben should really open up. I would not be surprised if Emma had a sad or depressing story herself that makes her want only stable, real relationships

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, out to find their place where they can be happy. And Emma has finally figured that as much as she cares about Ben, he won’t ever be the one to do that. He needs to figure himself out first. If he ever does.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. This was really painful, but at least they talked it out and were honest with each other. As painful as it was, it’s for the best for both of them and needed to be done before someone got hurt. A friendship is more important than a soured lustful relationship. I hope Ben can realize what is important in life before he has many regrets and ends up being a bitter, lonely man.

    Liked by 1 person

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