Chapter 40 – Think

01-11-18_6-16-10 PMThe next day, after Emma left him, Ben decided it was time to find a new place. He needed a fresh start away from all the painful memories. He was browsing houses and apartments to rent when door opened and Nick stormed as if he still lived there.

01-11-18_6-23-07 PM“What the hell Ben? You’re a piece of work.”

01-11-18_6-43-04 PMBen turned around. “What?” he asked, although he knew full well why Nick was pissed.

01-11-18_6-43-41 PMFrom the look on Nick’s face he figured he may as well get it over with. It wasn’t his fault anyway. “I saw the ring and said the wrong thing, okay. I’m sorry. But she didn’t even tell me! I thought we were friends and she goes and gets engaged to her rebound lover.”

01-11-18_6-46-40 PM.pngNick looked at Ben like he had two heads. “Excuse me? Did you even hear what just came out of your stupid ass mouth? Dude, Rachael said Emma was crying her eyes out when she went back to the apartment. She was afraid to tell you about the engagement because of… Fuck Ben…..  Anyway, you probably just lost one of the few people that gave a rat’s ass about you. She’s done and she adores that baby.”

01-11-18_7-07-04 PM.pngBen turned back around as his own tears threatened to come at his dead wife’s unsaid name. He felt bad about what he said to Emma. He knew he lost her to Casey a long time ago so it shouldn’t have affected him like it did. But he depended on her so much. She was always there for him and it frightened him that she wouldn’t be anymore. And Nick was fucking right, as usual.  As much as he wanted to believe it was her fault, he realized, it wasn’t. It was all his.

Nick took a deep breath. “So, who watched the baby while you made your run?” he asked quietly.

“I took him with me.”

“You did what?” asked Nick as his eyebrows shot up.

01-11-18_7-15-45 PM“I took him. Then we went to the park and hung out for awhile. It was no big deal.”

01-11-18_7-23-44 PM“Look at me Ben!” shouted Nick. He waited until Ben finally turned around. Nick ran his hand over his head and took a deep breath. “You need to give this shit up. It was never supposed to be a career. Only a fun hobby to save money. I’m sorry I got you involved in this man.”

Ben couldn’t figure out if Nick was pissed or wanted to help. He went from angry to heartbroken to concerned to guilty in the space of 10 minutes. Ben’s head was spinning. He figured it was time to let Nick off the hook. He was moving anyway. It didn’t matter.

01-11-18_7-28-02 PM.png“We are fine Nick. None of this is your fault,” said Ben, “I did it and I’m glad. It’s paying the bills and I’m starting to save money. I should have enough in a couple of months to get out of this damn ratty apartment and into a house. Cole needs to be where he can play with other kids, have a dog, a yard to run around in. Things I never had.”

01-11-18_7-30-27 PMNick shook his head. “Not only do you not know what comes out of your mouth, you don’t even see what you are doing. Listen closely Ben….you are putting Cole at risk. It’s no longer a harmless hobby for your personal use. You are supplying dealers. Drug dealers. If you get caught you could go to jail and then who would be around to take care of your four-month-old baby?”

“We will be okay. I’m careful. Besides once I get a house I can start my own business and I won’t have to do this anymore.”

01-11-18_7-31-56 PM.pngReally? And just exactly what the hell kind of business are you going to start that requires less than 18 hour days, 7 days a week? How are you going to do that and take care of Cole too? What kind of fucking fantasy world are you living in? You need to sit your ass down and think long and hard about what you just said. About everything you just said because none of that shit made any goddamn sense.

Ben was done. “I’ll figure it out.”

01-11-18_7-34-52 PM.pngDammit Ben! Call your Mom…move to Willow Creek before it’s too late. Let your big ass family help you. Your pride is going to screw up your kid. I know you are in pain dude….” Nick had to stop to get control of his emotions before he could continue, his voice not much more than a whisper. “Think about what Grace would want you to do.”

01-11-18_7-50-04 PMBen glared at Nick. Every time he said Grace’s name it was like a stab in the gut. Who the hell was he to judge. He didn’t have to say goodbye to Rachael. He had a loving family to go to while Ben’s was a screwed up mess. He had barely spoken to his mom since she and Leroy left. Nick had no idea what it was like to grow up like he had. Hell yes he was in pain, but Cole was his world now and he would never do anything that would hurt him. He wasn’t going to screw him up.

“Just think about what I said, please. For Cole, for you……and for Grace,” said Nick softly.

01-11-18_7-45-44 PMThat was the last straw. Ben was couldn’t believe the one person he thought would always support him had turned on him too. Screw Nick, Emma, Casey and Rachael too. Finding his voice, he stood up and pointed at Nick. “Get the hell out of my apartment!” he yelled.

Cole started crying, no doubt startled by Ben’s yelling. “Fuck!” said Ben and turned on his heel to go to his little boy.  He heard the door close quietly behind him.  Good riddance, he thought.

Go to Chapter 41 >>>>

Go Back to Chapter 39

47 thoughts on “Chapter 40 – Think

  1. Pingback: Chapter 39 – Just You ‘N Me | New Beginnings

  2. Wow, first Emma, now Nick. Ben’s running out of people to drive away… I really hope he’ll get back to his senses before it’s too late. Or things are definitely not gonna be very pretty around there soon, I’m sure of this! 😥

    Liked by 1 person

    • Nope. He needs a support system and now he pretty much has nobody. He’s in pain, but that’s why he needs them…it’s an all too familiar place for him sadly. Maybe he will THINK about what Nick told him. But when?

      Liked by 1 person

      • You are so right. It seems like Ben skipped the other steps and went right to anger.
        I don’t remember Emma saying anything about moving away or wanting to stop helping with Cole. And I know that Kate and Leroy will always been there for Ben.
        He just needs to focus on the positive people that are in his life and he will see hat he isn’t alone after all.

        Liked by 1 person

        • He’s definitely in the anger stage! And you are right, Emma didn’t say anything. Ben didn’t give her a chance. He just made assumptions. Kate and Leroy will always be there if he lets them. Hopefully he will reflect on what Nick said.

          Liked by 1 person

  3. What an ironic title. Ben isn’t thinking at all–at least in the long term he isn’t.
    He’s playing a dangerous game with those drug dealers (even though I sorta like them because they were kind enough to let him grieve… 😂)
    He’s pushing away the support of his friends… I agree it was pretty crap of him to push away Emma, but gosh Nick. It’s too early to mention Grace when its obvious Ben would lash out just from hearing her name 🤔

    Liked by 1 person

  4. LOL! I think Ben is channeling Harper Rosebrook. 😀

    I really hope not, though, for Cole’s sake. We don’t want to see Ben in an orange jumpsuit! Eun and the gang really don’t need another guy to beat up! ;-D

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh my. No more prisons! Thank goodness Eun and Tony aren’t aware of Ben! Lol. He is indeed Harperish in his thinking right now. I hope he straightens out without jail time!

      Like

  5. ~ If he does not “THINK” soon he may lose everything,& as his everything is Cole at the moment,he really needs to re-think what he is doing,before the decision is taken out of his hands,taking Cole to deliver is not on,if he gets caught he will not only lose Cole,he will be deemed unfit!
    ~ Try coming back from that Ben!?
    ~ What are you doing????

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Pingback: Chapter 41 – Missed | New Beginnings

  7. Oh, wow, Ben you are doing…great, great…Cutting everyone from your life isn’t going to help you at all, just because people think diferent from you, dosen’t mean they don’t understand…I can totally see him having only his son as friend, and when his son ( maybe) figure out why his father dosen’t talk about where the money comes from, only then he will listen to someone. ( Hopefully, he could just say ”I didi everything because of you” and stuff…) This is way you can’t rely on easy money.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Oh goodness..He cuts all people off from his life. The people who have always been there for him and obviously want all the best for him. Ben, do you need someone to pinch you to make you realize this is not a dream you’re in and the consequences are real and you aren’t going to wake up and get away with everything?!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Oh snap…Ben. Pushing them all away one by one, taking babies on drug runs…
    I can’t be mad, it’s frustrating and I get why his friend are mad, but I get it, he’s grieving, full of feels, high on pain.
    Ahhh.
    /flail

    Liked by 1 person

  10. A round of applause for Nick who tried his very best to knock some sense into Ben. He said all the right things, but Ben is being too hard headed right now to realize that. I’m hoping it won’t take something bad happening for him to finally start getting his act together… at this rate, there’ll be no one left to try and stop him from doing something stupid. *sighs* I’m rooting for you Ben, time to get it together!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Oh, Ben! I know you’re stressed and tired and exhausted by life and that you’re still hurting, but you can’t flee into your pain forever. That is a conscious decision, not the hope that one day it will just be gone like the wind 😔

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.