Chapter 54 – Damaged

NSFW Warning  –  At the very end… ♥

02-11-18_3-51-55 PM.pngBen opened a bottle of wine and poured them each a glass. Sofia took the offered drink and sat down at the bar. She took a sip and looked around. “Ben, where is Cole?”

Ben almost dropped the tiramisu he was taking out of the refrigerator at her words.

02-11-18_4-06-19 PM.pngUh oh. Ben put the dessert down and sat on the stool next to Sofia. “He’s spending the night with Mom. She volunteered to keep him so I wouldn’t have to wake him up to bring him home.”

02-11-18_4-03-20 PM.png“So….we are alone?”

02-11-18_4-17-46 PM.pngBen was nervous, so he got up to serve the desert. He couldn’t read her tone and feared she wouldn’t feel safe alone with him.  “Yes. I guess so. Is that okay? I mean, I can take you home if you want.”

02-11-18_5-35-46 PM.pngSofia’s gaze softened. She got and walked over to him.  She slipped her arms around his neck. “No Ben,” she said and smirked at him, “I don’t want to leave yet. We still have tiramisu and wine.” Her tone was light and playful, but she looked at him like she wanted to eat him.

His pants were suddenly too tight at her aggressive behavior. Shit. He hoped she didn’t notice, he didn’t want to frighten her so he slipped out of her arms and turned away to get the tiramisu. This was going way faster than he planned.

02-11-18_5-06-06 PM.pngShe immediately backed away, embarrassment covering her face. “Oh Ben. I’m sorry. I thought…”

He had never been nervous about kissing a girl for the first time. He just did it. But with Sofia it was different. It meant something real, it was a milestone in their relationship and he didn’t want to get it wrong.

02-11-18_4-28-41 PM“No Sofia,” he said and quickly turned her around to face him, pulling her all the way against him so she could feel his arousal. He suddenly needed her to know what she did to him. “You weren’t wrong,” he said the words coming out on a breath.

02-11-18_4-26-27 PMThen he lowered his head and slowly pressed his lips to hers in a soft feathery kiss.

He pulled back and looked at her. “Pia, Sweetheart,” he whispered, “I have wanted to do that for months and it was more than worth the wait.”

02-11-18_5-00-46 PM.png“Oh, Ben…” she said looking at him with love in her eyes and her breath coming in short pants.

“God, I love you Sofia.” As soon as the words were out he knew he had messed up.

Sofia gasped and pulled out of his embrace, turning away from him. “Oh No. No Ben, you don’t. I’m damaged.”

02-11-18_5-15-34 PMBen’s heart sunk. He clearly didn’t understand the signals she had been sending all night. She wasn’t ready and he had moved too fast. “No. Sweetheart, you’re perfect,” he said with as much love as he could convey.

She whipped around. “Look at me Ben, I’m not gorgeous and smart and sophisticated like Grace. And emotionally, I’m a wreck. No Ben, you can’t love me.”

02-11-18_5-18-22 PM.pngBen’s stomach dropped to the floor. “Sofia, why are you comparing yourself to her? You are the most beautiful, precious thing in the world to me.”

02-11-18_5-21-36 PM.png“But, I’m damaged. You don’t really love me. You just feel sorry for me. Always have felt sorry for me. The only reason you’re still here is because I’m not pregnant. If I were, you wouldn’t want any part of me and that bastard’s kid. I have so much baggage.”

02-11-18_5-13-40 PM.pngBen was trying hard to keep his cool but not doing a very good job. He couldn’t believe what she was saying. “Stop Sofia. Stop it right now,” he said, his voice harsher than he intended. “You are NOT damaged! And Sweetheart, children are NOT baggage, no matter how they were conceived. If anyone’s damaged, with baggage, hell, it’s me. I have a child whose his mother died a week after he was born. And I’m only 23 years old! Plus, I did some really ugly things in the past.”

02-11-18_5-07-53 PM.pngSofia turned away looking frightened, so he took a breath and tempered his tone. “The past is the past Sofia. I hope I have learned from those mistakes. But you should know, I was 100% prepared to be there for you if you had been pregnant. I would have loved that child the same way you love Cole.  I think about you all the time. I look forward to going to work to because you will be there. I treasure the times you spend with me and Cole. And baby, I only want to do things that make you happy.”

Sofia looked at the floor. “I’m afraid,” she muttered.

02-11-18_5-24-23 PM.pngBen gently placed his hands on her shoulder. “Of me?” he said, his question a soft breath against her neck. “No, Pia, you never have to fear me. I would never hurt you.”

“No…not like that. I’m afraid I won’t live up to your expectations. That I will disappoint you. I couldn’t bear it if I did.”

02-11-18_6-00-49 PM.pngDamn Jesse for messing with her head. Ben turned her around once more and put his hands on her face so she would look at him. He spoke softly, but deliberately, looking deep into her brown eyes. “Pia, Sweetheart. I meant to go slow, but it’s out there now and I am not sorry. I love you just like you are. You could never disappoint me.”

He snorted and smiled, lightening the mood slightly. “You forget. I have known you since you had braces and pigtails.” He reached up and touched her hair. “You have blossomed into a beautiful, strong young woman. This past year we have spent getting reacquainted has made me appreciate everything about you even more.”

02-11-18_6-10-01 PMShe pulled her bottom lip into her mouth. Ben tensed, holding his breath. Finally she released it as she reached up and lightly touched his face. Her touch sent chills down his spine and he started to get hard again.  “Let’s sit down,” she said softly, “I need to tell you some things.”

Ben was relieved. She was no longer running. He hoped. They settled on the couch and she began.

02-11-18_6-43-55 PM.png“Ben…I have had a terrible crush on you since I was fourteen. I relished the weekends I spent fishing with you. At your graduation party, after I dressed up, I secretly hoped you might notice me. At Christmas, we seemed to have a connection and I thought maybe, someday, I just might be good enough for you. But then you got married. Jesse came along right about that time and swept me off my feet.” She gave Ben a sad smile remembering happier times with Jesse. “He was the older college guy interested in the nerdy senior that had never had a date. He was really was sweet and attentive in the beginning.

02-11-18_6-46-48 PM.png“But he changed over time when I disappointed him again and again. And, then, after what he did…your arms were the only place I felt safe. But Ben, Grace is still there between us. Her presence is there even if she isn’t. I can tell how much you love her by how you talk about her. Don’t you understand? I can never live up to her memory.  I never thought I had a chance with you, so I stayed with Jesse even when it wasn’t great. I tried to be a good girlfriend, to make it work, but when you and I almost kissed that day, it scared me. I was letting myself believe in my fantasy. And I lied to Jesse. I was a horrible girlfriend.”

02-11-18_6-57-30 PMShe was crying now and Ben’s heart ached. He scooted closer and put his arm around her. She accepted his affection and continued, her voice a whisper. “When we got to his house, we had a huge argument. I told him I was leaving him. I knew that I would never feel about him the way I already felt about you. Even if I couldn’t have you, I couldn’t stay with him. It wasn’t fair to him. That’s when he lost it completely.” Her voice broke on the last word.

“You don’t … “

02-11-18_7-12-07 PM.png“Let me finish Ben. Please,” she took a deep breath and continued. “He said he was going to show me what it was like to be with a real man so I wouldn’t waste anymore time on you. Afterwards, he told me I had to quit and move in with him or he would get you thrown in jail and put Leroy out of business, I couldn’t let him do that. I was so afraid. He had never forced himself on me before. He guilted me into having sex in the past, but not like….”

Ben suddenly knew exactly how Leroy must have felt. He gently wiped her tears with his thumbs and pulled her against him. He wanted to protect her and make it better.  “Sweetheart, baby, please don’t cry,” he said while he gently massaged her neck. “You no longer have to worry about Jesse. What he did was wrong and not your fault. They say what doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger. And as lame as that sounds I think it’s true. Losing Grace brought me back to my family. And, yes, Pia, I did love Grace. She taught me about love and family. Before her, I thought I was unlovable. I was afraid to fall in love – afraid of being rejected or becoming my father.

02-11-18_7-19-57 PM.png“Do I still think about her? I would be lying if I said I never thought about her. It’s mostly when I look at Cole and see her smiling back at me. But really, anymore it’s beginning to become Cole’s smile, you know, not Grace’s. And when I’m alone at night, Pia, it’s your face that I yearn to see lying next to me. You are who I think about, who I love.

02-11-18_7-33-53 PM.png“That awful day four months ago, that’s when I knew just how deep my feelings for you ran. I literally wanted to kill him.” Ben snorted. “I think Leroy did too. We have both seen first hand what abuse can do to a person. Mom said she knew that day at the office that we loved each other. But she said you would need time. So I have been trying like hell to give you time to heal and space until I just couldn’t stand it anymore. I’m sorry I rushed things, but, Pia, please don’t doubt the depths of my feelings for you.”

Sofia still had tears streaming down her face. “Ben, where is your wedding band?” She asked as if she didn’t really want to know the answer.

02-11-18_7-26-32 PMHe had forgotten he had taken it off. He pulled her chin up so he could look her in the eye. “I’m not married Sofia,” he whispered.

Her expression went from one of apprehension to one of joy at his answer.  She wiped her eyes and smiled, “Can we skip dessert?”

“Are you ready to go home?” he asked trying to keep the disappointment out of his voice.

02-11-18_7-40-12 PM.png“No,” she said and snuggled into his embrace. She gave him a look so filled with love and hope, that his knees would have buckled if he hadn’t been sitting down. “I have ten years worth of pent up feelings for you to get out of my system. And from the way you felt when you kissed me, I would say you have some pent up needs as well. And Ben, I really want you to kiss me again.”

Ben let out relieved laugh. His heart was racing. He smiled and brushed her hair back, “God, I love you, my sweet Pia.”

02-11-18_7-43-51 PMSofia licked her lips in anticipation, “I love you too Ben.”

02-11-18_7-56-28 PM.pngAt her words he quickly captured her lips with his. This time neither one held back.

Ben stopped suddenly, “Oh shit!” he said putting his forehead against hers.

“What? Why are you stopping?”

“Nicks’s going to kill me.”

02-11-18_8-02-27 PM.pngSofia giggled softly. “Oh shit is right! Me too.” She put her finger over Ben’s lips. “No more talking. I’ll tell him –  later – I’m busy right now,” she said and pulled Ben’s mouth back down to hers. Ben groaned into her kiss.

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Go to Chapter 55>>>>>>

Go Back to Chapter 53

64 thoughts on “Chapter 54 – Damaged

  1. LOL I almost forgot Nick was her brother! 😂 Hopefully he’ll take it well since Ben is in a much better state of mind than before.
    This was a good chapter for the two of them. Hoping for a wonderful thing to blossom between them

    Also known as a child

    #GiveColeaSibling2018

    Liked by 8 people

  2. Pingback: Chapter 53 – Tiramisu | New Beginnings

  3. Yaaaaaas! They finally got that sweet dessert 😉

    Seriously though, this was great. I love that they both got their feelings 100% out there. So long overdue! I hope they can finally have the happiness they both deserve… together ❤

    Liked by 4 people

  4. *screams* Oh my gosh!!! This was so amazing!! ❤ They finally confessed everything to each other and it was the sweetest moment ever! Finally!! (I really hope they'll give little Cole some siblings too and soon – but they got to enjoy their love first!)
    And judging from Sofia's matching underwear, I'd say she expected this too ❤ (and I know Jowita is going to agree with me, lol! 😉)
    Nick though… uh oh! 😓

    Liked by 4 people

  5. Yes! I’m so glad that they confessed everything to one another. I must say I see Grace’s influence on Ben since he seems much better with words and talking about his feelings than guys usually are…Good for him! And I’m so glad he managed to convince Sofia about the authenticity of his feelings… and they got the dessert 😇

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yes. Grace most definitely had an influence on Ben. He is no longer denying his feelings. He is much more in touch with them. Sofia knows how she feels about Ben, but is very insecure with his real feelings for her. She has always taken a backseat and never felt like they could be together. Being with Jesse only reinforced her feelings of inadequacy. So it was hard for her to accept. More to come about that in Thursday’s chapter.

      And yes, they finally got dessert!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Oooooh that was hot, soooo hot. I loved how it went together. I felt so bad for her when she thought everything was damaging her. The poor thing was very upset and I almost cried.

    The shots at the end of the chapter were sooo hot.

    “Later— I’m busy”

    Liked by 3 people

    • Glad you enjoyed it. Poor Sofia was upset. I’m glad Ben convinced her he really did love her and she finally told him how she felt. ❤️ Lots of hotness. ❤️

      Like

  7. Is it strange that I was happy to see your NSFW warning since that meant that I knew something would happen between Sofia & Ben? Finally!!!! ❤ ❤
    I never knew that Sofia had blamed herself for what happened between herself and Jesse. That she had always felt insecure around Ben. But, I'm pretty sure that those feelings are gone now.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Yes. I hated to out the warning because I was a huge spoiler for the chapter! But I had to…

      Yes, she always felt insecure around Ben and did blame herself for what happened with Jesse. So sad. This is often the case with emotional and physical abuse. Fortunately he wasn’t physically abusing her until himself on her which she totally knew was wrong. His abuse was emotional which is no less damaging.

      I am glad Ben is there for her to help her regain her confidence. ❤️ Along with his family who has been through a similar experience.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Emotional abuse can be just as bad, if not worse. Since the scars are not as visible. It really hit home how bad Jesse was, and how long the abuse had really been going on. It really broke my heart to hear Sofia call herself damaged, since none of it was her fault.
        I am so happy that Ben, with the help of his family, can help Sofia find her confidence again.

        Liked by 1 person

  8. YAY!!! Finally!! This was such a well-written chapter sweetie, I loved that Sofia asked to skip desert 😉 Let’s just hope that Nick can see how happy they are and trust that Ben has grown up…..

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you for the compliment! ❤️ Sofia was ready for everything except I love you….that scared her. But I think Ben did a good job of assuaging her fears. ❤️❤️ Yep, Nick might have a strong opinion on their relationship. 😮

      Like

  9. ~ Well mum’s Desert worked better than she thought, as Ben told her his true feelings, hopefully it will stay that way though, I have a feeling that Nick is going to say a thing or two to both of them, one a how dare you & the other a warning(I will let you figure out which,to whom!)LOL!
    ~ I think Cole will be delighted if he had a Mom & she came with a new sibling,they are extremely cute together! ♥♥♥ As a Family! ♥♥♥

    Liked by 1 person

    • Leave it Mom to come through! I hope they can make it work too. We will see what happens when she tells Nick. Cole would love to have Sofia as a mom and a new sibling. They are very cute together! ❤️❤️❤️ Now to get Nick on board.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Pingback: Chapter 55 – Hot, Sexy Nerd | New Beginnings

  11. ANNDDDD THE SHIPPPPPPP IS IN THE OCEAAAAAAANNNN ! Yay! I’m glad they talked things trought and exposed all their feelings for each other Hopefullly they will end up happy-ever-after! ( If *she* dies, I swore…)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Grace…. 😦 Yes… hopefully she won’t have any issues and they can sail away. The ship is definitely in the Ocean! ❤

      Like

  12. Oh lordy lordy….you had to put them together didn’t you. Couldn’t they just have stayed friends????? This will ruin everything for him if it doesn’t work out………………………………………………….NAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! Just kidding!!!! and HURRRRAAAAYYYY!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. The NSFW warning at the head of this chapter made my heart sing 😈

    I was like, “who the frack is Nick? I’ll cut him… Orite, her brother! NVM”

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Just so you know. both husband and wife are not perfect. There will be many many times when both will disappoint each other. in the ups and downs of marriage. The important thing is compromising, making up and working it out…
    It is a good and realistic happy ending. Great way you crafted the story down to the spine tingling end going to read the next chapter.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. It’s so sweet how both of then could open up and talk to each other.

    But srsly Ben, with that much pressure in his pants, the first thing he thinks about is Nick?? Omg xD

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Yaaay! So glad they finally got together! Great update! Seems Ben’s favorite thing to do before sex is carry his partner. That’s so sweet! 😍

    Liked by 1 person

  17. That’s what Ben’s mental recovery has been built up for – to help Sofia from that hole of feeling unworthy to be loved. It’s the same he’s been in, and now’s his time to prove that he has healed and is stronger than ever before. It will no doubt require much of his nerves and will as well but I don’t doubt they will succeed one day 💖

    Liked by 1 person

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