Chapter 3.8 – Different

NSFW warning – partial nudity towards the end….

When Reagan got home from Enid’s, she was prepared for backlash about her hair. But during dinner, all her Dad did was shake his head. “Reagan, why?” he asked.

“I just needed a change,” she mumbled.

“Well, actually, it isn’t awful, I guess,” he said with a tiny grin.

“No…I like it,” said Dannie, “It’s actually kinda cool, and brave. At least it’s not purple and black.”

Taylor chimed in. “Ohhh – it IS cool. I like it Reagan! It makes you look older.”

Since everyone was being agreeable about her hair, Reagan decided to test the waters. She smiled at her father. “Enid and I are going to the movies tomorrow night.”

That got Ryan’s attention and he glanced at her before digging back in to his food.

“Do you girls need a ride?” asked her dad.

“No.  She’s gonna pick me up.”

“Any boys?” asked Cole.

“No,” she lied working hard to keep her smile in place. Actually Archer and Jerry were going with them.

*****************************************************************************

Enid picked her up and brought her back to her house.  A few minutes later the guys arrived.  When she walked out onto the porch, Archer looked up at her.  He looked incredibly handsome. He had let his beard grow a little, which made him look so much older. They stared at each other for a minute, taking each other in.

Finally Archer found his voice. “Wow,” he said as he continued to look at her.  “You are looking hot PR. What happened to you? “

She relaxed and gave him a smile. “Enid. Like it?”

“Fuck yeah,” he said as he pulled her into a hug.  Then he whispered in her ear, “Why don’t we skip the movie and go back to my house after we eat. Nobody’s home.”

Reagan’s heart was in her throat. “Okay,” was all she managed to get out as she looked into his grey blue eyes.

She could barely eat her meal. Her nerves were getting the best of her. She couldn’t stop thinking about what Archer had said to her.

The others were all laughing, and joking.  Everyone was relaxed and enjoying the food and company.   She smiled politely at the jokes, even the ones she didn’t get.

The next thing Reagan knew, the two of them were headed inside Archer’s house. His home was more like what she had expected Enid’s to be. Small and in a poorer part of Willow Creek. It was old and dated. But she didn’t care. All she cared about was being with Archer.

He guided her into his room and closed the door. “Just in case we get an unexpected visitor,” he explained, “although, Mom usually doesn’t come back home until late on Sunday. She spends the weekends at her boyfriend’s house.”

Archer threw some clothes off the bed and into a nearby hamper. “Sorry, wasn’t planning on company,” he said apologetically.  Then he sat down and pulled her into his lap. Reagan had yet to say a word. She was terrified because she was pretty sure she knew what was going to happen. But this was what she wanted, wasn’t it?

When Archer began to kiss her, all doubts vanished and she quickly lost herself in him – his smell, the feel of his body against hers, his taste, and most of all, the feeling of being wanted.

Archer stopped kissing her and moved her out of his lap. Then he pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it on the floor. Reagan’s heart began to hammer in her chest and she began to breathe too fast. He laughed that low sexy laugh that sent chills through her and put his arm around her. He nibbled on her ear and more chills cascaded down her spine. He whispered, “Your turn to take something off. I’ll help.” His voice was husky and sexy, just like his laugh.

Reagan swallowed hard and followed suit, as he helped relieve her of her sweater and bra. They were going to get naked.  This is it, she thought, we’re going to do it.  She was terrified as he pushed her back on the bed.

********************************************************************************

Reagan turned away from Archer after he was done.  She was trying hard not to cry or cover herself.  She suddenly felt very exposed, even with him next to her. He leaned over and put his hand on her arm.  “Reagan, baby, are you okay?” he asked softly.

She shook her head.  She knew he had been with lots of girls before. Maybe it was that, or maybe because it did hurt. As soon as it began to be painful, she had tensed up and couldn’t relax like Enid had told her to do. She was just too nervous. “I’m sorry,” she whispered and a few tears escaped.

“No Reagan,” replied Archer, his voice filled with regret. She let him pull her around to face him. When he saw her tears, he gently wiped them away. “I’m sorry. I just thought – next time baby – next time, it will be different. Much better for you. The pain really is only the first time.”

It suddenly hit her that that he said ‘next time’.  He wanted to do it again – with her? Even after she was so awful. It made her feel worse. How was he not upset? “I’m not sure…” She was going to say she wasn’t sure she wanted a next time. But stopped herself.  He wouldn’t want to be with her anymore if she said no after saying yes. She was confused and began to cry softly again.

“Shhhh. Don’t cry Reagan. It’s my fault. You made me crazy and I went too fast. I’ll wait on you next time and go slower. I promise. God … I just keep forgetting how young you really are.”

When he said that, the dam burst and she began to sob uncontrollably. He pulled her tight and rubbed her back while she wept for everything she had lost in the past year, her father, her best friend, her sense of belonging and now her innocence. She couldn’t lose him too just because she was too young.

Finally, when her sobbing subsided, he whispered in her ear. “Reagan, I don’t know if this makes any difference to you, but I think, maybe, I love you. I’m so sorry.”

“What?” she asked as she tried to sit up, just to have Archer pull her back against him.  Those words scared her more than anything else that happened. Why was he sorry? “What does that mean?”

“You aren’t ready for this. I’m falling in love with you.  I should have walked away before it happened and I didn’t.”

“NO! You can’t leave me!” she cried, forgetting about her lack of clothing, more panicked about not having him in her life. She couldn’t breathe thinking he might leave her. She made a promise to herself right then. “I’ll do better,” she cried.

“Reagan….I won’t leave you. Don’t worry. I don’t know if I could. And I’m glad you don’t want me to.”  He kissed her tenderly.  It was so different from any other of his kisses, which were always passionate and playful. He sat back and looked at her. His eyes were sad and it worried her. He brushed her hair back from her face. “My sweet Reagan, I never meant to hurt you.”

“It doesn’t hurt anymore,” she said, needing his sadness to go away.

He smiled, but not with his eyes. “That’s not what I meant, but I’m sorry about that too,” he said softly.

She felt herself blush. “Oh,” she said. She still didn’t understand what he meant and it confused her but she was too embarrassed to ask him. She didn’t want him thinking she was too young anymore.

“You probably should go. Can’t have you getting in trouble,” he said and chuckled at their little joke.

“I don’t want to go… I want to stay here with you,” she said. She was ready maybe to even try again, if it would make him not send her away.

“I would love for you to stay with me, but we both know you can’t,” he said as reached for their clothes.

Reagan turned around to get dressed so he wouldn’t see the fresh tears forming in her eyes at the thought of leaving him. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and it startled her. She wasn’t sure she recognized the person staring back at her anymore. She not only looked different, but now, she also felt different.

Go to Chapter 3.9>>>>>>>

Go Back to Chapter 3.7

29 thoughts on “Chapter 3.8 – Different

  1. Poor Reagan… she thought she was ready, but she wasn’t 😦 I think she got too wrapped up in wanting that connection to Archer that she didn’t stop and truly figure out if she was emotionally ready for sex, or even physically ready for the not-always-pleasant first time :-/

    I have to give Archer some credit for how he handled things at the end there. He sounded really sincere in the compassion she showed her. Hopefully he will follow through and keep treating her well (and that next time will be a little better for our girl!)

    Liked by 1 person

    • She wasn’t ready. She’s doing it because she thinks that’s what she needs to do to be ‘worthy’ of him. And she convinced herself she wanted it too. Nope, all the wrong reasons. But now that she has, there is no turning back so I do hope he is at least understanding that she wasn’t truly ready for that step and takes it slow if there is a next time….which no doubt there will be.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Poor girl.
    She could definitely use a little more confidence.
    But also poor Archer, if he’s truly in love with her. So far it looks more like she’s only with him because she likes that he cares for her and wants her, not because she really likes him.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes…all of the above. He likely approached for sex in the beginning. She was cute and an easy target. But he found out quickly it wouldn’t be that easy. I think he does care and her changing her looks for him got him going. But I think he really is falling for her. Maybe because she’s innocent. And he likes to feel like he’s helping her.

      She’s totally with him because he makes her feel like she’s important to him. And she’s afraid to lose that connection. If circumstances were different, she probably would never had even one conversation with him. Must less went out with him. They ran in very different circles.

      Like

  3. Archer is so sweet. Omg…he’s a keeper. I hope things don’t get screwed up with her lying. I have a feeling Cole is going to find out about him and put a stop to their relationship. Then Reagan will run away. 😰

    She’s too young for this kind of relationship. She’s a sophomore right? That means she’s 15 or 16. I feel like she’s headed in the wrong direction for this relationship to last. I’m on the ship but there’s a storm ahead! Eek!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Archer was being sweet. He knows he went too fast. But he couldn’t help it. She gave him so many go signals.

      Her lying is going to get her for sure. Those eventually come out at the worst times. Cole knew she was probably going to meet boys at the movies and pointedly asked her. He gave her the opportunity to admit it. And yes…she is right at 15. Way too young for this type of relationship. Of course he has no idea she’s gone as far as she has. I’m sure he figures she is meeting another boy her age. Not someone much older.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh, Rea… I had a feeling this is what was going to happen. i feel so bad for her because she wasn’t ready. She’s so confused. The part where she was crying over all the things she’d lost really got to me. If only Cole hadn’t brushed everything under the rug and pretended everything was all right.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes. She’s a mess right now. And all of those feelings came rushing back when she was feeling exposed when there were no fireworks. She’s super confused. She doesn’t understand what Archer is trying to tell her. He knows he hurt her emotionally. And he feels bad, but she misunderstood his meaning.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Sorry. I hit send accidentally. Anyway, yes, Cole wanted everything to be okay so badly, he didn’t see the warning signs… even after he found out a guy came to Ami’s while she was sitting. He still doesn’t know she was at clubhouse.

        Like

  5. Poor Reagan. 😦 I was kinda expecting her being hurt in the end of this, but, in a more drastic way. It’s a good thing Archer has some consiousness and realized she was too young for all this. If it was some other guy without much moral, he could have used Reagan’s fragility and overall deseparation to his gain.

    Also, like it was pointed out, but, Reagan doesn’t *actually* loves Archer, does she? She always decribed more of his physical qualitys, and she’s more upset because she feels like she’s going to be ”alone”, AKA she feels like she *needs* him, ad she likes what it feels like to be wanted by someone.

    I think things are going to start to go down again, and Cole is suddendly going to realize that just because everyone is smiling, and playing nice, it doesn’t mean that all thoses issues they had where in the pass. In mi opinion, everything is going to come back with more force then before.

    She might not even rely that much on her brother, since A)he didn’t aprove their relationship in the first place, and B)She knows things would go down if she told her brother she had sex with Archer.

    Liked by 1 person

    • As always your comments are right on. 😳. You noticed she never said or thought love, but it was her desperate need for someone that made her feel wanted. But really, she is too young to truly understand what love means. When he said it to her, it confused her. He said her he didn’t mean to hurt her and she assumed he meant the physical discomfort of having sex for the first time, and being pretty inexperienced in all things sexual, it probably did hurt more than she expected. But that wasn’t at all what he meant. He knew she was upset and he really did feel bad. He is falling for her and does care.

      So, yes, Cole is bound to find out and the fallout will be so much worse than if he tried harder to reconnect with them. Things aren’t great. And she isn’t flying on Ryan because he would flip if he knew….even though he’s probably doing the same thing. And because of that he figures Archer is just using her…

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Oh, this is a mess and a half… :/ Reagan really only wants attention and to feel wanted, but I don’t think she really thought about what sex entails. She jumped right into it while still in a very fragile emotional state. At least it seems like Archer realises that he done f’ed up.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Score one for Archer for realizing it. And deep down, maybe she knows it too, but it’s too hard to get past her very real need for someone to care about her and make her feel wanted. And that’s what is driving her. She knows she’s changed. And maybe she doesn’t like this new Reagan as much as she hoped…but she’s gonna keep her because at least she has Archer. Which helps.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. It was too fast for her. She’s really young and was not ready at all. Most girls her age I don’t think have the chance to go that far and only boast about doing “it” when the reality is different. Well, she did, and now she regrets it. She didn’t do it out of love, she did because she thought it would help her feel better about herself. I really like the song “Teen Idle” by Marina and the Diamonds. It’s about the loss of innocence that happens during adolescence. “Adolescence did not make sense, a little loss of innocence, the ugly years of being a fool, ain’t youth meant to be beautiful?” I think Reagan can relate right now. People say how beautiful it is to be young, but they forget the ugly part of it, which is trying to find your way in life, more and more losing your innocence in the process, and maturing. I think, however, it is too early for Reagan to learn all those life lessons. Because she was messed up at an early age when her mother was put to prison, she was deprived of her childhood so soon and so suddenly. Now, she wants to grow up too fast…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Well said! And so very very true. Poor thing is so confused. When you have sex for reasons other than love of the person you are being intimate with, it can be very dissatisfying and make you feel bad about yourself. Her reasons were all jumbled up in her head and the fantasy was much different than the reality. Hopefully Archer, who knew he messed up, will continue to be sensitive to her feelings. Although she won’t deny him. So sad. He cares, but she doesn’t have the same feelings. She’s too young, in my opinion, to form those kinds of feelings.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Pingback: Chapter 3.9 – Too Late! | New Beginnings

  9. Pingback: Chapter 3.7 – Wall Flower | New Beginnings

  10. Oh man, Reagan was not ready at all for this..! I will agree with most comments, her need to be wanted was so strong that she couldn’t realize she was still so young for all this… Archer should have backed down a bit in my opinion (as more experienced) but then again… he’s only human, right? At least he proves that he genuinely cares about her in each chapter! Can’t wait to read what’s coming next! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  11. New clothes and new hair, doesn’t make you mature. That is something Reagan has just learned the hard way.
    Not that I blame Archer, he really does seem to genuinely care for her.
    She is just too young to understand a be able to properly differentiate between love and needing to be loved.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Well, I guess if she had the maturity to realize why he was apologizing, she might understand that her parents (and I’m including Dannie) love her very much. But she’s NOT mature.

    Liked by 1 person

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