Chapter 3.53 – Confessions

When Reagan walked into the apartment after her session with Dr. Brown, from the heavenly smell, she knew Archer already had dinner ready. Guilty fingers started walking up her spine. She needed to tell him she was leaving, that it was time for her to go home.

She also needed to tell him she wasn’t in love with him. She loved him. There was no doubt of that. She would always love Archer. But not the way he loved her and definitely not the way she loved Evan. That last thought made her physically ache because it may be too late for her and Evan.  And now she was going to hurt Archer. It was almost too much to bear.

Reagan pasted on a smile.  “Hi,” she said, “It smells heavenly. I swear I’ve gained 10 pounds since I’ve been here. At this rate you’ll have to roll me home.”

He put down his spoon and held out his arms. “Welcome home,” he said, “I wanted to celebrate you.”

“Me?” she squeaked out. He smelled like Archer and garlic. Comforting. He wasn’t making this easy being so damn sweet. He was one of the sweetest men she knew and he loved her. Her. Why, she had no idea, but he did. He told her he did.

“Yes you.  You’re talking to your family.  Smiling more and getting help. You’re getting better Reagan.”

She wiggled out of his embrace, uncomfortable with the display of affection, knowing she was getting ready to hurt him. “I never said thank you for being there for me.”

“Yes you have. And besides, you’re here. That’s thanks enough.”

“What can I do to help?” she said and turned away from him so he wouldn’t see her choking back her emotions.

“Pick out a nice bottle of wine,” he said and returned to the meal.

They sat down to eat and it was delicious as usual. “How was therapy?” asked Archer.

“Okay. We didn’t do much. I’m going back on Friday.”

“Really? Do you want me to go with this time?” he asked.

“Archer, no. This is something I have to do myself.  And … another thing I need to do by myself  … is sleep … I need to sleep alone.”

“Why?” he asked.

“Because, I can’t stay here any longer. I have to go home.” Hot tears were stinging her eyes.

“No, Reagan. You don’t. You have to stay here. Besides, you don’t have a place to live.” He said it as if that would be the end of the discussion, and maybe two days ago, it might have been.

She took a deep breath before answering. “I told Evan to take my house off the market.  I have a job I worked hard for and I want to get back to it. I need to get back.  I’m going crazy here.”

Archer put his fork down with a loud clink and looked at her. “You called him.” His tone was accusatory mixed with hurt.

She felt so guilty and looked down at her plate before answering. “I told you I was,” she said softly.

“Why did you tell him to take it off the market? You can’t stay there. Reagan! You need to be away from the reminders. It was making you sick. You still have nightmares. You have so stay here, at least while you’re in therapy.”

She swallowed hard. She had to do this. “I need to learn how to have a life again,” she spoke slowly and deliberately. “Dr. Brown said I might have nightmares for a long time. They won’t magically go away. I have to work on it. And I can’t do that sitting here in your apartment.”

“This is all because of Evan, I should’ve … Reagan, you can’t tell me that you don’t love me, because I know you do.”

This was making her sick. “Archer,” she said softly, “I will always have love for you in my heart.”

“Goddammit Reagan.” He looked so angry and hurt.

“Archer … don’t, please don’t make this harder.” The tears were leaking out now, she couldn’t hold them back any longer.

“So, what the fuck am I supposed to do tonight when you wake up screaming in a cold sweat? I won’t be able to stay away, and I don’t think you want me to either. So you can be damn sure I’ll be there and I’ll hold you until you calm down. And then I’ll kiss you and make love to you so you’ll forget the bad and just focus on the good.”

Reagan was full on crying. “I don’t know! I need …”

“You need me!” he yelled and slammed his fists on the table, causing the wine to slosh over the side of the glass.

It scared Reagan and she let out a terrified yelp, no longer crying, just frightened.

Archer put his head in his hands and took several deep breaths. Finally he looked up. “I’m sorry Reagan,” he said softly. “I was out of line – again. It just hurts me to see you in so much pain. You should sleep in the guest room. But just stay, so I can be there when you need me. So I won’t worry.”

“Archer,” she said softly, “I’m going to Newcrest tomorrow.”

His head shot up. “Why?”

She took a deep breath before answering. “Evan and I have to talk. And we can’t do it over the phone.”

She could see him working hard to control his rage. His nostrils were actually flaring. She had never seen him so nearly out of control before.  She began to talk to fill the silence.  “I’m going to take a Suber so I can bring my car back.  While I’m there I’m going to ask my grandparents if I can move in with them, until I’m ready to live alone.” There. She said it. She just didn’t say when.

“You’re not moving in with Evan?” He seemed a little relieved.

She shook her head. “No. Archer, I just need to get my head on straight. And I don’t know how long that will take. I was serious. I do love you. But, it’s just not the same as before. Maybe because I’m so messed up. I don’t know.” She needed him to know she didn’t hate him but she wasn’t going to tell him she was in love with Evan. She’d already hurt him enough.

“Damn right! It’s better than it was before because we’re adults now.”

She stood up, unable to continue their conversation and frankly a little afraid of him now. “This was good, but I’m not hungry anymore. I’ll clean it up. You can go do whatever you need to do.”

“I’ll help,” said Archer still clenching his jaw.  Silently, they cleaned up the dishes.

“I’m going to go to bed early,” said Reagan father they were done. “I need to think. Goodnight Archer.” She was grateful when he didn’t try to stop her or make her sleep in his bed. She figured he was just biding his time for her nightmare to come.

**************************************************************************

“Archer! Stop! Oh my God! Evan! Noooo!” screamed Reagan over and over but he wouldn’t stop.

“Reagan! Wake up!” yelled Archer, shaking her.

“Don’t touch me!” she screamed, “Get away! Look what you did! Somebody help him!”  She slapped at him to get him away. 

“Reagan. Stop. It’s me.”

“You killed him!” she yelled trying to slap him, but he held her tight.

“It’s a dream…” said Archer.

She looked around and realized he was right. But it was much more vivid than the last ones had been. “I’m soo sorry,” she said and let him engulf her in his arms while her breathing got back to normal.

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay to go to Newcrest today?” he asked.

“Yes,” she said taking huge gulps of air as she lay in his arms, “I have to do this.”

“I could take you,” he offered softly, “I’d feel better.”

He was being so sweet after being so upset with her last night. She sat up in an effort to move away from him.  “No … I have to do this myself,” she said and felt him tighten his hands on her when she refused him.  “I’m sorry Archer.”  She didn’t want to fight with him.

“At least let me make you breakfast,” he offered.

“I don’t think I can eat. Maybe coffee.”

“Okay,” he said as he finally released her and scooted off the bed. “I’ll go scrounge up something and put the coffee on.”

She sat back, relieved he left her room so easily. After she heard him leave the bathroom, she got up and got herself ready, then made her way to the kitchen for some much needed coffee.

Archer already had bacon, eggs and toast on the table. “Sit and eat so I won’t worry,” he said keeping his voice upbeat, “You didn’t eat anything last night. Also, since you’re leaving today and will likely be gone for awhile, I figured I would go into the office, before they forget who’s boss. So I may not be here when you get back. There’s a couple of jobs that I need to check up on.”

So that’s why he was so dressed up. “I’m sorry I’ve been keeping you away from work,” she said.

“That was my choice. So stop apologizing. I’ll try to call if I’m going to be late.” He stood up and looked at her like he wanted to say more.  Instead, he just said, “I’ll see you tonight,” then turned around and left.

Reagan immediately felt his absence. The empty apartment felt like a heavy weight pressing down on her.  She almost panicked and ran to call him back.

Instead, she instinctively took slow deep breaths and calmed down enough to text Evan to let him know she’d be there in about an hour.

Go To Chapter 3.54>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Go Back to Chapter 3.52

42 thoughts on “Chapter 3.53 – Confessions

    • I worry that Reagan’s dream may come true. Is Archer going after Evan? Will Reagan catch him in the act of trying to hurt, threaten, or kill Evan? Will she be in time to save Evan? Hope her dreams don’t come true. Archer needs someone strong will who will stand up and not back down from him. Reagan is to much like Amy, too nice.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Reagan almost came apart trying to stand up to Archer. She is a little afraid of him which maybe triggered the dream. Does Reagan’s dream mean she fears he will literally try to harm Evan? Or that it was a more metaphorical killing?

        Archer does need a strong woman that won’t just let him make all the decisions. Reagan is too nice. I think Archer would eventually grow to despise her for her weakness. She is a lot like Amy for sure and her father too, at least when he wasn’t going ballistic trying to manage two angsty teenagers! Sofia was good mother and a kind caring person. She had a lot more influence over them than Ben. She sort of shielded them from him. Not that a Ben is bad. Anyway, I digress….

        Lots of great questions and observations. ❤️

        Like

  1. Oof, Archer’s reaction to her leaving isn’t a good sign. There are just hundreds and hundreds of red flags now. Glad Reagan’s getting out and I’m glad it didn’t end in more sex. Honestly, she should have been out of his clutches ages ago.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yes. She’s already been avoiding more sex. But she did let him kiss her after they had their talk. That was dumb. Gave him hope. She should have. I’m not sure anyone knew how really bad off she was. She was in no shape to make that sort of decision.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Good girl, Reagan! ❤️ I was glad she kinda stood her ground when Archer started reacting badly.

    Part of me does feel bad for him… Reagan really did lead him on. :-/ But living with him and BEING with him weren’t good for Reagan. He’s not the one.

    And Evan…. well, hopefully it won’t be too late! 😱 I can’t wait to see him again! Though I’m nervous about how their conversation is gonna play out… 😬

    Great chapter! ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    • If she hadn’t already seen a counselor, she might have backed down just because she would have given up in her and Evan. And needed something to cling to.

      She did lead him on and make him think there could be more. But she wasn’t telling him about her dreams because Evan was in them and he was the bad guy. She needed to unload that.

      I’m looking forward to seeing Evan. 😱. But afraid to see Evan. Hope it’s going to be good for her.

      Thanks….I always think they are going to be boring if something big doesn’t happen! ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Regarding Reagan’s nightmares, she has been very verbal in her sleep. I am sure that Archer knows from being there that she is having nightmares about him killing Evan. He did the right thing telling her it is a nightmare and to go back to sleep. I am surprised he never brought up her nightmares in the morning though over a cup of coffee, and maybe reassure her that he would never kill Evan. Maybe a little discussion would have helped but on the other hand several skeletons may hop out of the closet, like the things he knew and did not tell her like killing her mother and her moms rape of Evan.
    Reagan’s announcement was full of surprises for Archer, some of it unpleasant like out of the blue announcing she is going to go see Evan in an hour. Yes he reacted badly at first, but he did respect her decisions after she talked it over with him.
    Love the story development so far. Some of it unexpected. Thank you for sharing it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • He doesn’t ask her anymore about her dreams. He got upset with her because she wouldn’t talk about it to him. So I suppose he just let it go. And you’re right, skeletons have a way of coming out of the closet.

      I was actually proud of Archer for giving her space. I think he knows he’s been steamrolling over her. But he can’t help himself. What she didn’t tell him was her plan was to move very very soon. That might not go over so well. But we shall see when he realizes she really is leaving sooner rather than later.

      And your very welcome. But I have to say thank you in return for reading! ❤️

      Like

    • She is trying to get back on her own horse! I hope nothing knocks her back off.

      Poor Archer, he has just changed too much or has he? In high school, he was controlling, but not really dangerous and he was softer around Reagan. He saw something in her that changed him. Maybe her complete innocence. IDK. And he’s trying now, but he knew she was in love with Evan before everything turned bad. I just wonder if he would have tried to go after her if nothing had happened. I don’t think she would have left Evan. But Archer saw an opportunity and took it.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Omg! He’s freaking crazy!

    Run, Reagan, and don’t look back!

    Here’s hoping Evan forgives her. Ugh. Bit why wouldn’t he? He knows she’s been through hell and back. But maybe he’s too messed up right now as well?

    So sad! 😱

    Liked by 3 people

    • He’s definitely a control freak…. and she is trying to run….I just hope he lets her. He did back off once he saw he was frightening her. But will he every time?

      And yes Evan has his own issues to work through. I hope they can make it back.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Eeek. I hope it’s not foreshadowing. That would be awful! I hope it’s just the back of her mind that maybe she’s losing him. But yes, you may be right about Archer. He may not take it well. Who are we kidding. He’s gonna go be a very unhappy man.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Here it comes. Archer is showing his true colors. The nightmare was an interesting twist. I don’t think though it has anything to really do with Archer, despite his nature and reaction to her news that she is moving out. It seems she is transferring those fears she had about her mother and the trauma and projecting them on Archer, a sort of way for her sub-conscious to give her that push she needs to move on. He didn’t help matters any with his angry reaction. The nightmare in a weird way to sort her feelings that Archer isn’t the one. She has known this for awhile, but until now hasn’t been able to face it, and in some way can’t take hurting him so she has to morph him in her subconsciousness into this monster. What is scary, is Archer has the ability to become that. He is not the most stable guy if you really think about it. But hell, look at his genes, his whole extended family are nuts in a weird controlled way.

    Be interesting to see how he is going to handle the next part of this journey, and something in me is concerned he won’t let her go. Like he said he would.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think you’re right on the nightmare. It is just Reagan’s brain telling her she has to leave. His angry reaction didn’t help, and I think she was expecting it. Dreading it in fact. He does have the capability to become that. Killing her mother probably was the final act that would allow him to cross over. I hope not. He wasn’t really a bad guy in high school, but he was controlling. I don’t know what he’s going to do either, but something tells me he isn’t going to roll over and let her go.
      .

      Like

  6. ”You need me!”

    Okay, Archer, calm down.He’s being soooo manipulative. Saying he knows her better then herself, saying what needs or what she should do…Goddang, I don’t like the way he’s acting one bit!Thouhgt I know his head is in the Wright place, the way he acts just doesn’t go along with it.

    I mean, really dude? Being all that fiery with a girl who is slowly recovering from Trauma? Yeah, he thinks she needs him, but, boy, it’s her choice. I know you’re worrying about her but you can’t keep treating her like she’s some porcelain doll that’ll break the moment you release her.

    I kinda wished that Reagan screamed back like ”Hon, I do what I WANT, when I WANT.”But, she’s still recovering, and he surely wasn’t any better.

    I think she should just stay single, heal yourself and then think about boys.

    Like

    • He totally thinks he knows what’s best for her. But she’s not the same frightened little girl she used to be although she seems like it right now. She had just been ‘dumped’ by the man she really thought was the one, then her mother kidnapped her and threatened to kill her and her father. Yes, she was a little girl again for a little while. And that’s the on,y way he’s seen her.

      She’s might eventually yell that to him. I hope she does! It would be awesome!

      Evan is next chapter. Maybe that will help her? 🤷‍♀️

      Like

  7. “This was good, but I’m not hungry anymore.” Yeah, controlling freaks do that to your appetite.
    I actually liked this chapter a lot. I liked that Reagan was slowly getting her control back and I liked that Archer’s mask was slipping and his true colors showing. It was fun. I’m wondering if he really believes Reagan will return ‘home’ that evening or whether he went to make sure she won’t be returning to Evan. 😏
    Good chapter!

    Liked by 4 people

    • For sure. They make you crazy.

      Reagan is finally starting to think for herself again. And he did let the charming fall off for just as second or two.

      I don’t think he expects her to leave that soon so he has more time to ‘convince’ her to stay. He might have simply gone to work or not. But I love all the ideas floating around.

      Glad you had fun with this one! 😈

      Like

  8. Pingback: Chapter 3.52 – Therapy | New Beginnings

  9. Pingback: Chapter 3.54 – Going Back | New Beginnings

  10. uh oh.
    Archer’s true personality is showing. Control freaks don’t take it well when they lose their control. This could be dangerous territory Rea is slipping on.

    Liked by 2 people

    • He is very possessive and controlling. And I think a lot of women, probably men too think that is flattering – at first – – And Reagan was content to be taken care of for awhile. But now he’s scaring her. 😬

      Like

  11. I’m back!! I’m so sorry for my late comment!
    I think the phrase “…he loved her. Her. Why, she had no idea, but he did.” is one of the most important ones because it points to the core of Reagan’s problems. She has issues and she needs to finally face them head on, by herself. Otherwise there will be plenty of people like her mother or Archer (both different intentions but still) that will jump in to the opportunity to tell her what to do.
    I don’t like Archer’s reaction AT ALL. He also has issues and I find myself so angry at him! I was always a fan of you dude and you ruined it!
    This was great! ❤ *hurries to next chapter*

    Liked by 1 person

    • No apologies! I’m glad you are back though! ❤️ You are so right. Her sense of self worth is low. She allows people to take advantage of her to make herself feel better. You’re right about Archer too. He has issues too, but the are different. He is the ying to her yang in a bad way. His true colors slipped through. He likes to be in control of the situation and she’s all over the place.

      Liked by 1 person

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