Chapter 4.64 – I’m Strong …

I should’ve called her before now, when I was thinking straight, but no, I had to wait until I was pissed off and drunk, thought Walker as he waited miserably for Sam to call him back. It just hurt so much seeing her on the screen and I missed her so damn bad. He realized not wanting to ‘bother her’ was the lame excuse he used to justify not manning up and calling. She just needs space, he’d said to himself, and will call when she’s settled. That was bullshit and deep down he always knew it. I was more afraid of her rejection. But she didn’t reject me – did she? It didn’t seem like it anyway.

He grabbed his phone and checked the time, and wondered how late was late. It was two hours earlier in Del Sol Valley, so midnight there would mean 2 a.m. for him. At least he didn’t have to work tomorrow and could sleep in. The clock upstairs chimed and he growled. Midnight, he thought, I might be waiting two or three more hours but I don’t give a shit, as long as she calls.

He let out a pent up breath and went grab a beer, but stopped. What the hell are you doing Walker? he scolded himself. It was just so automatic to grab a beer, but if he wanted to be in Sam’s life, he needed to divest himself of that habit. He put it back and grabbed a glass of water instead. Not nearly as satisfying, he thought, but now I understand why it’s so easy for someone under a tremendous amount of pressure to become dependent on alcohol and drugs. His heart squeezed for the woman he was pretty sure he was in love with.

Walker decided to watch some of Sam’s old shows to pass the time while he waited. Before he could find them on Simflicks, his phone rang causing his heart to skip a beat then speed up. “Hey gorgeous,” he said trying to sound upbeat.

“Did I wake you?” she asked, “I know it’s getting late there.”

Her voice was music to his ears. “No, I was waiting up,” he said and chuffed out a humorless laugh. “Rehydrating. Listen Sam, I’m really sorry about calling you like that, there’s absolutely no excuse.”

“It’s partially my fault too. I promised to call you, and didn’t.”

“You have nothing to apologize for. I knew you were going to be busy, you warned me. So how was the party?”

“It was nice. However, I think I almost sent my mother into cardiac arrest. She kept whispering to Ragnar all night and shooting me weird looks. Made it easy to leave a little early so you wouldn’t have to wait so late for my call.”

“Can you turn on your video? I’d really like to see you, if it’s okay that is.” He wasn’t sure what to say to her, she had him all twisted up in knots like no else ever had.

She laughed and he was relieved. “Sure, hold on … I called as soon as I got home so I’m still decent … there … can you see me?”

“Yes,” he breathed out. “You look amazing Sam, like the star that you are.” The way she looked reminded him of their dinner date. She was so elegant that night and had on the same necklace she wore now. He remembered because he’d wanted to kiss her neck, but hadn’t dared.

“You aren’t so shabby yourself, even for coming off a drunk.”

His heart squeezed at her words, even though they were playful. “I’ll never live that down, will I?” he asked.

“Sorry,” she said and frowned, “I won’t mention it again.”

Now he felt bad for chasing away her smile. “Sam, do you think it’s too soon for me to fly out to see you?” He blurted out the wards before he thought. When she hesitated he quickly added, “Never mind, I shouldn’t have asked, you’re busy and of course it’s too soon.”

“Walker, it’s just that I’m still finding my way here. I have a habit of falling for my costars and doing what everyone tells me to do to garner publicity and further my career. Oh, and speaking of publicity, you’ll probably see pictures of me and Drake from tonight. I hope they don’t try to spin it that we’re a thing, because we aren’t.”

Not yet, thought Walker. “Sam, if you do fall for him, please let me know sooner rather than later.”

Sam chewed her lip for a second before answering. “Walker, I don’t think I’ll fall for him, because there’s already someone else I’ve fallen for.”

Fuck, he thought and closed his eyes, no wonder she hadn’t called. She’s already moved on. But that kiss they shared and what she said earlier about her kissing him back. Maybe she had just been making a point. He looked one last time at her beautiful face. “I should let you go, it’s late. Whoever it is, he’s a very lucky man. I need to go, we’ll talk later. Bye Sam.” Without giving her time to respond, Walker disconnected the call. The last thing he needed to hear was her apologizing for breaking his heart.

***********************************

Del Sol Valley ….

Sam stared at the phone in disbelief after Walker hung up. How could he not know I meant him? Why did he think it was someone else? But maybe he did us both a favor – after all we’re still 2,000 miles apart, so how could it even work? I was deluding myself thinking we could do long distance because he sang to me over the phone. I need to learn to live without him before I can live with him, she reminded herself even as she rubbed her chest trying to ease the tightness there and stop the tears that were threatening to fall over his apparent rejection.

Her phone rang again and she quickly grabbed it hoping it was Walker calling back. Instead it was Drake, so she let it go to voicemail. She’d see him tomorrow, no need to talk to him tonight.

She was getting ready to go to bed when it rang again, this time it was her mother. Definitely not talking to her, she thought and silenced the ringer.

Fifteen minutes later her doorbell rang causing Sam’s stomach to lurch and her heart to beat erratically. No one should be coming to her house this late at night.

She looked at the security app on her phone to see who was there, ready to call 911. Her mom and Drake. What the fuck? she thought, Oh god, maybe something was wrong with Ragnar. She punched the talk button. “I’ll be right there.”

Sam hurried downstairs and flung open the door. “What are you guys doing here? Is everything okay? Isn’t the party still going strong?”

“We were worried about you,” her mother said with an exaggerated pout. “You didn’t answer your phone and I know you weren’t on it because it didn’t go straight to voicemail.” Her voice was rising in anger as she went on. “You left party without telling anyone, so you can’t blame me for being concerned after what happened before and – ”

MOTHER!” shouted Sam to make her stop talking and embarrassing her in front of Drake. “I was tired – okay. I don’t have to report to you every time I do something.”

“Mrs. R, as you can see, Samantha’s perfectly fine,” said Drake coming to Sam’s defense. “And she is right you know, she doesn’t need to report her every move to you. I told you she was probably just tired.”

“Thanks Drake,” said Sam and turned to her Mother. “You can leave now! Drake why don’t you take her back to the party?”

“Sam, you always tell me what’s going on with you,” said her mother, lecturing her like an unruly teenager, “and after the way you behaved at the party – like some stuck up snotty brat, sneaking off – then talking to me the way you …”

“Whoa, Mrs. R,” interrupted Drake, “chill out sweetheart, she was fine at the party. Didn’t you see those shots of us? They were bad ass. Right Sam? Now, why don’t you calm down, go back home and let Mr. R know Sam is just fine, I’ll stay with her, we have some things to discuss, and really, with the two of us gone, the party’s gonna die out anyway.”

“Fine,” grumbled her mother, “just make sure she doesn’t have access to any pills or alcohol.”

“That’s it Mother,” growled Sam, completely humiliated, “leave now and don’t come back unless I invite you. You’re no longer welcome in my home.”

Samantha … I was just worried about you is all,” said her mother,,her voice like saccharine, “you’ll understand one day when you finally have a child of your own.”

“Out!” yelled Sam and pointed to the door, almost in tears at her hurtful words.

”Mari, you really should go,” said Drake, his tone now serious, “I’ll stay for a few minutes. We’ll see you tomorrow on the set.”

Her mother shot her a nasty look, turned and stormed off letting the door slam behind her.

“Holy shit Sam, what’s with her?” asked Drake after the door closed.

“I’m sorry you had to witness that. Come in and have a seat.” said Sam instead of answering his question. She didn’t want to talk about her mother. She was already too close to losing it. “Now what was it you needed to talk to me about?”

He gave her a lopsided grin. “Oh, nothing really … I just wanted to spend more time alone with you.”

What? Is that why you called?” Sam stood up angry now. “You were stalking me?”

“No, no Samantha … Mari was looking for you and I told her I saw you leave, then she started freaking out when you didn’t answer our calls. Her reaction worried me so I told her I’d follow in my car. It was a good excuse to see you away from the set, plus I really did want to make sure you were okay”

Sam felt bad for jumping to conclusions, he had been nothing but sweet. “My mother’s a frigging control freak,” she grumbled and sat back down, “and she can’t stand that I won’t bow down to her anymore. In fact it’s kinda weirding out ‘Mr. R’ too.” Sam chuckled. “I can’t believe you call him that to his face, everyone else is afraid of him.”

“Yeah, well I’ve got a lot of respect for Mr. R, he’s one of the best in the business. You’re lucky he’s taken you under his wing, you know he only does that with top talent.”

“You really think so?” asked Sam, curious about his thoughts.

“Oh yeah baby, look at Daxton for example, he’s a big ass movie star now and Mr. R groomed him. Levon has his own hit series on Simsflicks, again groomed by the great Ragnar. And Samantha, I know you’ll have movie offers before this gig is even over, I see how you transform on the set, you totally become Isobel.”

“Right. Well transforming is the only way I can do the love scenes … no offense Drake … you’re very attractive – ”

“But there’s someone else,” he finished for her.

Sam let out a defeated sigh. “I thought there was, but I guess there’s not. It’s just hard to tell my heart what my head knows.”

“You broke up?” he asked and she noticed a hopeful look in his eyes.

“I don’t want to discuss it anymore, besides I really do need to get some sleep, it’s been a long day.”

“Well then, I guess that’s my exit cue. Sweetheart, are you sure you’re okay and don’t need some ‘attractive’ company to help you’re heart feel better?”

Sam forced a smile. “No thank you Drake. See you tomorrow.” She let out a sigh. “God, I wish my mother wasn’t going to be on the set,” she grumbled mostly to herself.

“Hey, call me if you need someone to run interference.”

“I’m not gonna drag you into my personal problems, go find a groupie to stroke that giant ego.” She turned him around and pushed him towards the door. “Bye Drake, and thanks again.”

After he left she leaned on the door and gave in to the tears that had been building since Walker hung up the phone. Her mother bringing up things the awful things she’d done just made her feel worse. Maybe I should’ve given in to Drake’s advances, she thought, as he said, maybe it would ease the pain in my chest. That thought made her cry harder because it’s not what her heart wanted.

She kept hearing the words Walker spoke before she left Newcrest playing over and over in her head. She sniffed back her tears and stood up tall. I’m strong and brave, she thought to herself, so I can do this. I don’t need Drake, I don’t need Mom, I don’t need Ragnar and I don’t need Walker. “I’m Samantha Murdock,” she whispered to the empty room, “and you better not fuck with me.”

Go to Chapter 4.65>>>>>>>

Go back to Chapter 4.63

35 thoughts on “Chapter 4.64 – I’m Strong …

  1. Oh dear Lord, here goes the next clusterf*ck.
    Walker, slap yourself and while we are at it, you too Sam. And WTF Maribel and Drake?! What was that?! Man, if they would have shown up at my home like that feathers would have been flying. ARGH!

    And as Sam put it, she has a history of falling for co-stars, I really hope we don’t prove how wild she can be by doing the love triangle thing now. Some may be able to handle that, but that is literally the last thing Sam needs.

    I was shocked to see black nail polish on Sam, that little Barbie doll. Wow. Not sure if that was unintentional or a sign of her sloooooooooooooow transformation.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Ugh. I know, but maybe Sam’s right? She’s not really ready for a relationship, but just the fact she even considered giving in to Drake has me worried.

      We already know Maribel is a piece of work where Sam is concerned. She wants to control her and Sam is right, it’s driving her crazy that she isn’t bowing down to her. She better watch out or Sam will cut off all contact. At least Drake stuck up for Sam even if his intentions were to possibly suddenly her. I hope we don’t have a love triangle. 😬 That might destroy her.

      Hehe! Sam has been a Barbie Doll. But yes. She’s slowly getting more daring…and really how daring is black nail polish these days. Lol.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: Chapter 4.63 – Watch Party | New Beginnings

  3. Sam and Walkers relationship is the pits. At least Sam stood up to her mom, stayed away from drugs and booze, and turned down a one night stand with Drake. Too bad, Walker was not patient enough to let Sam finish telling him who she was in a relationship with (him). Hope she does not keep changing her mind re Walker. You are good at the drama. Am looking forward to more drama and maybe even a happily ever, Audreyfld.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sam and Walker have a lot of hurdles if they are gonna have a relationship. Walker was already harboring a ton of doubts that Sam was interested in more than a friendship, so he easily leapt to the wrong conclusion. I’m glad she sent Drake on his way. Although I doubt he’ll stop trying. I just hope she doesn’t cave. And yes, she’s pushing back hard on her mother. It was a sign of strength. More drama and hopefully more happy ever after to go with it! ❤️

      Like

  4. Poor self-esteem is a curse and I think it has affected both Sam and Walker while communicating 🤔
    None of them dare expose their feelings and it is really also vulnerable in the first phase of falling in love.
    When Walker automatically thinks that Sam is talking about another guy, it shows that he, despite his confident appearance, is deeply insecure inside.
    It was not a smart solution to disconnect the phone at this moment …. but perhaps understandable after drawing the wrong conclusion.

    Sam is fighting a tough battle right now and she is under tremendous pressure. Her mother has a really hard time accepting that Sam has a right to her own life and her manipulative excuses that she is worried about Sam are downright destructive.

    Drake is a little too obvious in his attempt to flatter Sam. I get nausea 🤮
    I really hope she does not fall for his sugar talk, but it seems she is coping with him perfectly.

    However, I’m somewhat worried about Sam. Does she have no one she can rely on after her detox? No therapist? No support group?
    No human being should cope with this battle alone 😟

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sam and Walker are both insecure and while they are both falling for each other they are holding back for fear of getting rejected. The confidence Walker shows is his armor and I’m sure he’s truly confident in business, just not in exposing real feelings. He treated getting close to Sam as a competition. But then developed real feelings for her and I think it scared him and he didn’t really know how to go slow.

      Sam is fighting a battle for her well being and her mom can’t see that. She thinks she just needs to do what she’s told. But Sam is a young woman now not a child and struggling to figure out how to be her own person. She does need someone contrary to her conviction that she doesn’t. And yes, she has a therapist. But not a good support group so I hope she doesn’t let Drake worm his way into that role. Agreed, his sugar talk was over the top.

      Liked by 2 people

  5. Ah a misunderstanding and they left it at that.
    Walker sounds surprisingly insecure. Makes me wonder if this is default him in relationships, or if its specific towards Sam.

    He immediately accepts that she probably has someone else. And Sam immediately thought of a thousand excuses why they’ll never work. And by how she phrased it, her excuses sound like a deflection for being ‘rejected’. How strange. She knows he misunderstood. Yet act all hurt after. I don’t think she really wants the relationship at this point. Sounds like she’s just trying to conveniently push the blame on him or their distance, or her busy life that they won’t work. She sounds like she has something to prove (can live on her own, be her own woman and stuff) but doesn’t want to feel like the bad guy as she chases her dreams. Correct me if I’m wrong. Cuz that’s what I’m getting.

    Woah Maribel. Your daughter lost her baby and you talk about a kid so casually like that. I hope she didn’t do it intentionally. Otherwise, that’s low.

    Drake went from sweet to creep for me when he offered himself as ‘attractive’ company haha! I’m glad Sam pulled him down a notch otherwise he’d think his advances are welcome. Then again, she’s wavering. Don’t do it girlll! Keep your head. Prove to yourself
    you can do it and then go find Walker and clear up the misunderstanding you made. Hopefully it’s not too late by then.. 😅

    Liked by 3 people

    • Yes … Walker definitely has relationship issues that left him feeling insecure. Remember when he first started with Sam, it was a game, something he even opened up and admitted to her once he realized he was falling for her. In fact, they were both expecting rejection. so quickly jumped to the wrong conclusions. It was definitely easier for Sam to let him go and blame it on distance than try to do something she wasn’t fully comfortable with yet. And yeah, not feel,like the bad guy. I do think she has strong feelings for Walker. But she needs to trust herself first. And I’m proud of her for trying hard.

      Maribel is delusional if she thinks that’s the way to make Sam bow down to her by pointing out her mistakes. Such an awful thing to do, but she’s desperate since Sam isn’t confiding in her or doing her bidding anymore. Sam’s slashed and burned those apron strings. She needed to but I think they are both having withdrawals.

      An affair with creepy Drake would be disastrous. He’s probably been subtly coming on to her for awhile, but she ignores him. He is definitely opportunistic. Lol.

      I hope she and Walker do clear things up between them. It’s such an awful way to end things for two people that care about each other.

      Liked by 2 people

    • I agree with you about Walker’s insecurity. He was painted as a very self-confident in the previous chapters. Possessiveness and the jealousy he showed worked well with that too. And I admit I kinda enjoyed it. The insecurity not so much. There’s simply too much insecurity everywhere. When he was jealous, I was thinking, that maybe this relationship could be something different entirely. Like lots of fighting and passion. Because why not? Maybe Sam isn’t the fighting type, but you aren’t antil you meet a guy who pushes all the wrong/right buttons in you. I don’t care for insecure Walker, but Walker that flips his lid easily did capture my interest, because of unpredictability.

      Liked by 3 people

  6. Samantha…be on the look out for Drake. I know his traits! 😉

    Poor Walker. He basically did himself in without knowing it. Just as well…they’re too far apart and there are too many fish in the sea. I’ll miss his cute face! 😭

    So glad Samantha is keeping up this strong woman motto! Maybe by the tie she’s done, her mother will be shaking in her boots rather than cross her!!!

    And what will this wildcat do with her newfound confidence…hmmm????

    Liked by 2 people

    • Bahahaha – yes you do know him! So he failed on the Bachelorette so Ragnar hired him for his series!

      Poor Walker is so true! He would’ve been over the moon happy, but he was so afraid of being rejected he figured her hesitation meant he was getting turned down. 😭😭😭 But we haven’t seen the last of Walker. He lives next door to Ryan, Cris is his best friend and Veronica works for him. He’s wormed his way into this legacy one way or the other! In fact we’ll hear from him next chapter.

      At least Sam is doing her best to be strong. I don’t know how her mother’s going to manage without Sam at her beck and call. She better be shaking in her boots or her Christian Louboutins. I hope she begins to feel safe and in control. And she doesn’t let Drake get to her. We know he’s full of himself.

      Liked by 2 people

  7. Sam and Walker. I’m not sure if they are a bit too similar or just not on the same wave length but COMMUNICATION people!! I get where they are coming from though – each trying to protect themselves. I do wonder how they go from here or who will be big enough to make the first step.

    Uggggh what is it with Sam’s costars. Get him away from her. Get every toxic Valley person (so the entire valley) away from her! Her mom made some really hurtful comments and didn’t even seem aware of it. They are lucky Sam didn’t turn back to drink to deal with it.

    You can see it’s taking a lot for her to be strong. It’s actually draining on her but she is keeping at it and will get better. Do not f with Sam Murdock ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    • Mostly it’s Sam’s state of mind that’s making things hard. She’s trying to reinvent herself. They do need to communicate but it’s not something Sam does easily and it’s also not something Walker is patient enough to wait for, although I think he was trying. He’s allowed himself to be vulnerable with her which is something he normally doesn’t do.

      And yes, Sam is beautiful and sweet so it s easy for costars to go after her. And hard for her to resist, but I hope she resists Drake. Drake the Rake! Lol.

      I think her mother knew exactly what she was saying. She was trying to break Sam down enough to need her and run into her arms for comfort. It backfired big time, Mari best be careful or Sam will cut her out of her life because she needs that control right now. I’m so proud of her for not drinking…that got to be the hardest part. Luckily when she’s in the set, she enjoys it and can relax because she is good at it, even if she has to kiss Drake. That is something she’s figured out.

      Yep, watch out world … here’s comes a new and improved Samantha Murdock!

      Liked by 1 person

    • She needs support, but she doesn’t want it. She wants to depend on herself but that’s probably not the best idea. She does need someone she can be herself with. Can you say Walker? *sigh* I’m pretty sure she’s still seeing a therapist. Not the original one from the hospital though….😬😬😬😬

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Pingback: Chapter 4.65 – Too Late | New Beginnings

  9. What the fudge Maribel?? How did this woman even get the title “mother”
    Hate to say it but didn’t I tell you so about Drake….. Mr. Smoothie.

    I am seriously considering adopting Walker and Sam and showing them the way……

    Liked by 1 person

    • Right on all counts! Maribel will never win mother of the year award. Mommy dearest maybe. And yep, Drake loves himself to the max.

      Someone needs to adopt them! Lol. *grabs Sam doll and Walker doll and makes them talk and then kiss and makeup*.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. If she would just get out of her own damn head for a moment, she’d realize how Walker feels. But since she didn’t call him back, he’s gonna get in his own damn head and convince himself she doesn’t want him. Then they’re both gonna…. ugh!

    Liked by 1 person

    • No kidding. She’s the queen of second guessing everything. She really hasn’t made her own decisions before even though she lived with Levon for a while. So yes, she’s making him think she doesn’t care when she does. Just talk already!

      Liked by 1 person

  11. I haven’t commented much on the last chapters for the sake of better reading experience, but I do break that to say that I absolutely adore the development you make Sam go through. She’s become very strong and brave and at the same time, she’s still so vulnerable and weak. Afraid. Lonely. Confused. All at the same time. And that is so human. I love that she doesn’t give up and that still, she fights against the old habits. To be honest, her change is rather radical and would be much slower in real life but I guess you can’t portray it in that length in a story or else it would span over a thousand chapters or even more. Still, it is incredibly beautiful to see how she’s slowly finding herself again. Part of Sam, part of Scarlet, and also many other parts consisting from her movie characters. All of them leave a mark and one day, you find out that that’s all you – and not that you are just one of them. I think that’s a major experience when growing up and as young adults

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