Chapter 4.64 – I’m Strong …

I should’ve called her before now, when I was thinking straight, but no, I had to wait until I was pissed off and drunk, thought Walker as he waited miserably for Sam to call him back. It just hurt so much seeing her on the screen and I missed her so damn bad. He realized not wanting to ‘bother her’ was the lame excuse he used to justify not manning up and calling. She just needs space, he’d said to himself, and will call when she’s settled. That was bullshit and deep down he always knew it. I was more afraid of her rejection. But she didn’t reject me – did she? It didn’t seem like it anyway.

He grabbed his phone and checked the time, and wondered how late was late. It was two hours earlier in Del Sol Valley, so midnight there would mean 2 a.m. for him. At least he didn’t have to work tomorrow and could sleep in. The clock upstairs chimed and he growled. Midnight, he thought, I might be waiting two or three more hours but I don’t give a shit, as long as she calls.

He let out a pent up breath and went grab a beer, but stopped. What the hell are you doing Walker? he scolded himself. It was just so automatic to grab a beer, but if he wanted to be in Sam’s life, he needed to divest himself of that habit. He put it back and grabbed a glass of water instead. Not nearly as satisfying, he thought, but now I understand why it’s so easy for someone under a tremendous amount of pressure to become dependent on alcohol and drugs. His heart squeezed for the woman he was pretty sure he was in love with.

Walker decided to watch some of Sam’s old shows to pass the time while he waited. Before he could find them on Simflicks, his phone rang causing his heart to skip a beat then speed up. “Hey gorgeous,” he said trying to sound upbeat.

“Did I wake you?” she asked, “I know it’s getting late there.”

Her voice was music to his ears. “No, I was waiting up,” he said and chuffed out a humorless laugh. “Rehydrating. Listen Sam, I’m really sorry about calling you like that, there’s absolutely no excuse.”

“It’s partially my fault too. I promised to call you, and didn’t.”

“You have nothing to apologize for. I knew you were going to be busy, you warned me. So how was the party?”

“It was nice. However, I think I almost sent my mother into cardiac arrest. She kept whispering to Ragnar all night and shooting me weird looks. Made it easy to leave a little early so you wouldn’t have to wait so late for my call.”

“Can you turn on your video? I’d really like to see you, if it’s okay that is.” He wasn’t sure what to say to her, she had him all twisted up in knots like no else ever had.

She laughed and he was relieved. “Sure, hold on … I called as soon as I got home so I’m still decent … there … can you see me?”

“Yes,” he breathed out. “You look amazing Sam, like the star that you are.” The way she looked reminded him of their dinner date. She was so elegant that night and had on the same necklace she wore now. He remembered because he’d wanted to kiss her neck, but hadn’t dared.

“You aren’t so shabby yourself, even for coming off a drunk.”

His heart squeezed at her words, even though they were playful. “I’ll never live that down, will I?” he asked.

“Sorry,” she said and frowned, “I won’t mention it again.”

Now he felt bad for chasing away her smile. “Sam, do you think it’s too soon for me to fly out to see you?” He blurted out the wards before he thought. When she hesitated he quickly added, “Never mind, I shouldn’t have asked, you’re busy and of course it’s too soon.”

“Walker, it’s just that I’m still finding my way here. I have a habit of falling for my costars and doing what everyone tells me to do to garner publicity and further my career. Oh, and speaking of publicity, you’ll probably see pictures of me and Drake from tonight. I hope they don’t try to spin it that we’re a thing, because we aren’t.”

Not yet, thought Walker. “Sam, if you do fall for him, please let me know sooner rather than later.”

Sam chewed her lip for a second before answering. “Walker, I don’t think I’ll fall for him, because there’s already someone else I’ve fallen for.”

Fuck, he thought and closed his eyes, no wonder she hadn’t called. She’s already moved on. But that kiss they shared and what she said earlier about her kissing him back. Maybe she had just been making a point. He looked one last time at her beautiful face. “I should let you go, it’s late. Whoever it is, he’s a very lucky man. I need to go, we’ll talk later. Bye Sam.” Without giving her time to respond, Walker disconnected the call. The last thing he needed to hear was her apologizing for breaking his heart.

***********************************

Del Sol Valley ….

Sam stared at the phone in disbelief after Walker hung up. How could he not know I meant him? Why did he think it was someone else? But maybe he did us both a favor – after all we’re still 2,000 miles apart, so how could it even work? I was deluding myself thinking we could do long distance because he sang to me over the phone. I need to learn to live without him before I can live with him, she reminded herself even as she rubbed her chest trying to ease the tightness there and stop the tears that were threatening to fall over his apparent rejection.

Her phone rang again and she quickly grabbed it hoping it was Walker calling back. Instead it was Drake, so she let it go to voicemail. She’d see him tomorrow, no need to talk to him tonight.

She was getting ready to go to bed when it rang again, this time it was her mother. Definitely not talking to her, she thought and silenced the ringer.

Fifteen minutes later her doorbell rang causing Sam’s stomach to lurch and her heart to beat erratically. No one should be coming to her house this late at night.

She looked at the security app on her phone to see who was there, ready to call 911. Her mom and Drake. What the fuck? she thought, Oh god, maybe something was wrong with Ragnar. She punched the talk button. “I’ll be right there.”

Sam hurried downstairs and flung open the door. “What are you guys doing here? Is everything okay? Isn’t the party still going strong?”

“We were worried about you,” her mother said with an exaggerated pout. “You didn’t answer your phone and I know you weren’t on it because it didn’t go straight to voicemail.” Her voice was rising in anger as she went on. “You left party without telling anyone, so you can’t blame me for being concerned after what happened before and – ”

“MOTHER!” shouted Sam to make her stop talking and embarrassing her in front of Drake. “I was tired – okay. I don’t have to report to you every time I do something.”

“Mrs. R, as you can see, Samantha’s perfectly fine,” said Drake coming to Sam’s defense. “And she is right you know, she doesn’t need to report her every move to you. I told you she was probably just tired.”

“Thanks Drake,” said Sam and turned to her Mother. “You can leave now! Drake why don’t you take her back to the party?”

“Sam, you always tell me what’s going on with you,” said her mother, lecturing her like an unruly teenager, “and after the way you behaved at the party – like some stuck up snotty brat, sneaking off – then talking to me the way you …”

“Whoa, Mrs. R,” interrupted Drake, “chill out sweetheart, she was fine at the party. Didn’t you see those shots of us? They were bad ass. Right Sam? Now, why don’t you calm down, go back home and let Mr. R know Sam is just fine, I’ll stay with her, we have some things to discuss, and really, with the two of us gone, the party’s gonna die out anyway.”

“Fine,” grumbled her mother, “just make sure she doesn’t have access to any pills or alcohol.”

“That’s it Mother,” growled Sam, completely humiliated, “leave now and don’t come back unless I invite you. You’re no longer welcome in my home.”

“Samantha … I was just worried about you is all,” said her mother,,her voice like saccharine, “you’ll understand one day when you finally have a child of your own.”

“Out!” yelled Sam and pointed to the door, almost in tears at her hurtful words.

”Mari, you really should go,” said Drake, his tone now serious, “I’ll stay for a few minutes. We’ll see you tomorrow on the set.”

Her mother shot her a nasty look, turned and stormed off letting the door slam behind her.

“Holy shit Sam, what’s with her?” asked Drake after the door closed.

“I’m sorry you had to witness that. Come in and have a seat.” said Sam instead of answering his question. She didn’t want to talk about her mother. She was already too close to losing it. “Now what was it you needed to talk to me about?”

He gave her a lopsided grin. “Oh, nothing really … I just wanted to spend more time alone with you.”

“What? Is that why you called?” Sam stood up angry now. “You were stalking me?”

“No, no Samantha … Mari was looking for you and I told her I saw you leave, then she started freaking out when you didn’t answer our calls. Her reaction worried me so I told her I’d follow in my car. It was a good excuse to see you away from the set, plus I really did want to make sure you were okay”

Sam felt bad for jumping to conclusions, he had been nothing but sweet. “My mother’s a frigging control freak,” she grumbled and sat back down, “and she can’t stand that I won’t bow down to her anymore. In fact it’s kinda weirding out ‘Mr. R’ too.” Sam chuckled. “I can’t believe you call him that to his face, everyone else is afraid of him.”

“Yeah, well I’ve got a lot of respect for Mr. R, he’s one of the best in the business. You’re lucky he’s taken you under his wing, you know he only does that with top talent.”

“You really think so?” asked Sam, curious about his thoughts.

“Oh yeah baby, look at Daxton for example, he’s a big ass movie star now and Mr. R groomed him. Levon has his own hit series on Simsflicks, again groomed by the great Ragnar. And Samantha, I know you’ll have movie offers before this gig is even over, I see how you transform on the set, you totally become Isobel.”

“Right. Well transforming is the only way I can do the love scenes … no offense Drake … you’re very attractive – ”

“But there’s someone else,” he finished for her.

Sam let out a defeated sigh. “I thought there was, but I guess there’s not. It’s just hard to tell my heart what my head knows.”

“You broke up?” he asked and she noticed a hopeful look in his eyes.

“I don’t want to discuss it anymore, besides I really do need to get some sleep, it’s been a long day.”

“Well then, I guess that’s my exit cue. Sweetheart, are you sure you’re okay and don’t need some ‘attractive’ company to help you’re heart feel better?”

Sam forced a smile. “No thank you Drake. See you tomorrow.” She let out a sigh. “God, I wish my mother wasn’t going to be on the set,” she grumbled mostly to herself.

“Hey, call me if you need someone to run interference.”

“I’m not gonna drag you into my personal problems, go find a groupie to stroke that giant ego.” She turned him around and pushed him towards the door. “Bye Drake, and thanks again.”

After he left she leaned on the door and gave in to the tears that had been building since Walker hung up the phone. Her mother bringing up things the awful things she’d done just made her feel worse. Maybe I should’ve given in to Drake’s advances, she thought, as he said, maybe it would ease the pain in my chest. That thought made her cry harder because it’s not what her heart wanted.

She kept hearing the words Walker spoke before she left Newcrest playing over and over in her head. She sniffed back her tears and stood up tall. I’m strong and brave, she thought to herself, so I can do this. I don’t need Drake, I don’t need Mom, I don’t need Ragnar and I don’t need Walker. “I’m Samantha Murdock,” she whispered to the empty room, “and you better not fuck with me.”

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